Blog Post
September 27, 2025
The Games We Don’t Know We’re Playing: Why a 61-Year-Old Book Still Explains Us
Eric Berne’s classic Games People Play (1964) still reveals the hidden patterns behind our interactions. Discover why transactional analysis and the ‘games’ we unconsciously play matter for relationships and self-awareness.
Looking for a not-so-light but foundational summer reading? This is a must.
Written 61 years (!) ago, it's still an incredible piece on the 'games people play'.
Most of the time we don't even realize that a game is being played let alone understand that 'my' game and 'your' game are vastly different.
5 key takeaways:
1. We all play “games” in our interactions, often without realizing it. These are patterns of behavior we fall into, usually to get some emotional need met or to keep up a certain image, even if it’s not good for us.
2. The big idea of the book is/was "transactional analysis". He says we all have three “ego states” (Parent, Adult, and Child) that shape how we talk and react to others. The way these parts interact explains a lot about our social habits.
3. A lot of these games are ways to avoid real closeness. Instead of being open or vulnerable, we sometimes use these patterns to keep our distance, dodge tough feelings, or stick to roles we know, even if they’re not healthy.
4. Noticing these games is the first step to better relationships. Once we see the patterns we’re stuck in, we can start making more honest and positive choices in how we relate to people.
5. Everyone learns these games growing up. They’re part of our families and cultures, and we often find ourselves drawn to others who play the same ones. Changing things takes effort and self-awareness, but it’s definitely possible.
Any other summer reading you recommend...?
